“Chancellor,” the Chair trembled, “it is perfectly natural for the body to produce tears when it reaches a certain state of excitement, please do not think—”

“Ever since they brought me into this world,” the zombie choked out, “I have had to ask: why am I the one getting poked and prodded on stage? Well, I’ve concluded that there is no difference between us; that you are all just a whole lot of zombies who won’t own up to it.”

As one of its students later put it, the zombie possessed quite a “taste for brains”….

The zombie (after eight years as an adjunct) finally achieved tenure, and lived out the rest of its years picking the brains of thinkers across the world.

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